#incorrect quotes

[existennialmemes]

Musk: [calling Grimes at 3 in the morning] Tell them. Tell them I'm good at video games and I will give you sixty million dollars

Grimes:

Musk: or I detonate the chip in the baby's neck

Grimes: [long exhalation] seventy million

I had to take this screenshot myself because I was so convinced it wasn't real

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: *under the Batmobile, doing repairs*

Bruce: Can you hand me the 9mm?

Jason: *hands Bruce a 9mm pistol*

Bruce: *takes it, looks at it, and hands it back*

Bruce: I meant a ratchet.

[fandom--incorrect--quotes]

Marcille: so what’s for d-

Laios, already grabbing the nearest monster:

[tf2incorrectquotes]

[cod-dump]

*during a zoom meeting after a collective long leave*

Gaz: Ya know what? I needed a break from base

Soap: It has been nice visiting my family. Though my sister fucking still sucks

Gaz: Hey, I'd take family drama. I got to see my mum, relax. Hey, I even got myself a succubus

Ghost: *chokes on the sandwich he was eating*

Soap: A WHAT??

Gaz: Succubus- A succubus-

Price: *looking off camera in disbelief*

Gaz: No- You know what I mean!

Ghost: *laughing hysterically*

Soap: NO WE DON’T. DO YOU FUCKING MEAN A LITERAL FUCKING FUCK DEMON, OR A SUCCULENT. SUCCULENT!!

Gaz: *stares before he covers his face and screams*

Ghost: *wheezing off camera*

Price, still looking off camera: I think we had too much personal time

[sweet-as-petrichor]

Damian: Want to help me commit a felony?

Jason: What the hell??

Damian: Sorry, my bad.

Damian, whispering: Want to help me commit a felony?

Jason, whispering: Of course dude, what do you need?

[kasinonightlife]

Yelena: Hey, can we stay in your apartment tonight?

Bucky: Why?

Ava: Bob fiddled with a ouija board and cursed the tower.

John: Alexei doesn't know how to banish spirits, so he just threw salt at them and yelled, "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!".

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[pokemonblack3white3]

Really wanted to draw one of these

[ahfrickenfrick]

vicki vale: and what do you have to say about the rumors that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person?

12 year old, newly appointed robin, jason todd: ??? that would be really weird cause i’ve literally seen them kiss before??

bruce: *in the Wayne tower, popping up from his paperwork* …something just happened…

[chaxan08]

Thunderbolts: The path to true inner peace starts with four little words.

Thunderbolts: Not my fucking problem.

[avesgrayson]

Teenage Damian: Father, I have something very important to tell you. Richard has assured me it will not change your view of me, and I am holding you to that.

Bruce, thinking another kid is coming out: of course Damian. You are my kid, that will not change

Damian: *nods and takes a deep breath*

Damian: As you are aware, there has been a concerning increase of bats and they have risked disturbing the signals and various memorabilia due to them

Damian: There are more that are flying or stationing themselves around lower to the ground, and I have overheard you and Gordon wondering if they are diseased or rabid.

Bruce, officially lost: hn

Damian: The reason there's been an uptick of bats inside the main part of the cave is due to me feeding and befriending them

Bruce:

Damian: They prefer kiwi and strawberries

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick: I was preparing a wet specimen one day and my sibling was like, "This reminds me of my work buddy who ties dollar store balloons to roadkill and watches them fly away." And I had to drop everything for a second and say no. No I don't think this is like that.

[incorrectsterekquotes]

another one, thank you

[timdrakealways17]

Tim: Bruce, I’m gay

Bruce: oh

Tim: oh?

Bruce: I mean you being gay sort of ruins the entire edgy thing the batfamily has going on

Tim: what?

Bruce: because you’re gay.. you’re happy..??

Tim: when Dick uses the term gay he means something different than me

Dick, poking head into room: no we mean the same thing, I just didn’t want to explain it to him

Tim: no Bruce, I’m bisexual, I’m into men and woman

Bruce: oh, congrats? Me too?

Tim: WHAT?!

Dick: Superman was my co parent at one point I definitely saw them kiss

Tim: again, WHAT?!